Over the last decade, I’ve been making a profound shift in how I’m relating to what’s difficult in my life—I’m turning towards it.

Some may wonder: Why would I want to do that? There’s so much conditioning to run from what’s painful, and our culture offers countless options to distract ourselves. Turning toward difficulty can be painful and unpleasant. It’s scary. Yet from my experience, facing what’s hard beats the alternative.

The following is a story from my childhood that taught me that lesson.

My representative was in full effect when Kate and I first started dating. One night I spent more than an hour cooking fresh vegetables and tofu in a homemade peanut sauce. She was impressed. Then I told her the truth: “If you weren’t here tonight, I’d be eating frozen pizza.” She was even more impressed with my honesty. 

Recently, I moved to Barre, Massachusetts for a dream fellowship at the Insight Meditation Society (IMS). I’m blessed to have the support of everyone in my life to be here, including my girlfriend Kate. Friends regularly ask me with some concern: “How does that work with Kate?” It’s a fair question. A long-distance relationship is hard work.